The Science Behind Platonic Friendship’s Health and Happiness

Social connection is the strongest predictor of health, happiness, and longevity. Those with the most friends over 9 years cut their risk of death by over 60%, and the same study said having close friends or confidants is as detrimental to health as smoking or being overweight.

In a culture obsessed with romantic love and finding “the one,” platonic friendship is often overlooked and undervalued.

Platonic love is a close bond between two people without sexual or romantic involvement. Based on similar interests, these relationships offer a sense of belonging, vital support during tough times, exposure to new ideas, and can help keep our minds sharp as we age.

But what does a genuine platonic friendship look like? How is it different from the romantic bonds we typically prize? And how can we nurture these connections as we navigate the transitions of midlife and beyond?

Let’s explore the meaning of platonic love, its key characteristics, unique benefits, common challenges, and practical tips for fostering soulmate friendships. Whether you have lifelong friends or seek new connections, learn why platonic love is crucial for health and happiness and how to cultivate more.

What Is Platonic Friendship? Defining a Misunderstood Love

The term “platonic” comes from the ancient Greek philosopher Plato, who described a transcendent, non-sexual love that brings us closer to wisdom and truth. But today, we typically use the term more precisely to refer to a close friendship between two people who could theoretically be attracted to each other but aren’t involved romantically or sexually. 

In essence, platonic friendship is a bond characterized by deep intimacy, affection, and care—without the sexual component. 

So, what makes a friendship genuinely platonic? While every bond is unique, most share some key traits:

• Honesty and trust: Platonic friends feel safe being authentic and emotionally transparent with each other. There’s no need to impress or keep up appearances. 
• Mutual care and support: These friends consistently show up for each other through life’s joys and sorrows. They’re the 2 am phone call and the first to celebrate your wins.
• Respect for boundaries: While platonic friends can share physical affection like hugs, there are clear lines around sexual intimacy that differentiate the relationship from a romantic one.
• Shared values and interests: Many platonic friends connect over common passions, worldviews, or life experiences, which creates a strong foundation of understanding.

It’s a myth that platonic friendships (especially between heterosexual men and women) are impossible because sexual tension always gets in the way. While platonic friends might sometimes find each other attractive, they consciously choose not to act on those feelings to preserve the friendship. The long-term mutual commitment to the relationship is more important than momentary impulses.

Types of Platonic Friendships

Platonic love can take many different forms. Some common types of platonic friendships include:

• Childhood or college buddies who stay close for decades.
• 24% of U.S. workers have “work spouses” who share inside jokes, vent about office drama, and act as each other’s support system from 9 to 5.
• Mentors and mentees who develop a deep personal bond beyond the professional relationship.
• Neighbors who look out for each other and regularly share meals or coffee chats.
• Travel companions who love embarking on new adventures side by side.

While we often think of platonic friendships as between a man and a woman, they can also quickly describe close non-sexual bonds between gay and straight friends, two men (“bromances”), or two women (“womances”). The common thread is a relationship founded on authentic care, understanding, and support—no romantic strings attached.

In a culture that tends to prioritize sexual and romantic relationships, platonic love is often seen as a consolation prize. But as we’ll explore in the next section, these friendships can be some of our most joyful, nourishing, and stable connections—with powerful ripple effects on our health and happiness.

The Joys and Gifts of Platonic Friendship

A thriving platonic friendship means being there for each other through tough times—driving a friend to chemo or supporting them during a divorce. It’s sharing comfortable silence and a wealth of inside jokes and memories.

Platonic love is often there for the heaviest moments—but it also sparkles through the delightful minutiae of daily life. It’s walking the dog together every evening or meeting up for coffee every Thursday morning. It’s texting silly memes back and forth or going on spur-of-the-moment road trips. It’s a conversation that feels as comfortable as slipping into a worn pair of jeans, where you’re free to be your unvarnished, imperfect self.

In a world that can feel increasingly fragmented and isolating, especially as we age, these bonds provide a profound sense of continuity, community, and support. They keep us anchored and resilient through life’s storms, and the gifts of these friendships radiate into every corner of our lives.

The Evidence-Based Benefits of Platonic Bonding

Research shows that the strength of our social connections is one of the most powerful predictors of health and happiness, with influence on par with factors like exercise, nutrition, and not smoking. Platonic connection offers unique benefits:

• Affection without strings: Platonic intimacy meets our deep human need for affection, touch, and emotional support without the pressures and complications that can come with sex and romance. It’s a stable “home base” kind of love, there for you year after year.
• Longer, healthier lives: Studies have shown that strong social connections and friendships are associated with lower levels of depression, stress, and anxiety and improved psychological well-being.
• A buffer against loneliness: About 1 in 3 adults report feeling lonely. Platonic friendships provide crucial social, emotional, and mental health support, helping to stave off the mental and physical health impacts of isolation.
• Expanded horizons: Platonic pals, especially those of a different gender or background, expose us to new activities, ideas, and perspectives that can expand our minds and enrich our lives. A friend’s fresh viewpoint can get us unstuck and illuminate new solutions.
• Sharper minds: Research suggests that maintaining strong social connections can help protect against cognitive decline and reduce the risk of conditions like dementia and Alzheimer’s. Social engagement boosts cognitive functions like memory, attention, and problem-solving, helping keep the brain active.

The beautiful thing about platonic love is that it doesn’t have to be limited to one “best friend.” By nurturing a diverse web of connections, we gain a wealth of support to draw on through life’s chapters and challenges. Each bond brings unique joys and lessons that help us grow.

But platonic friendship isn’t always a smooth, simple ride. In the next section, we’ll explore some of the common challenges these relationships face—and how to navigate them with grace and maturity.

Navigating the Challenges of Platonic Friendship

Like any meaningful bond, platonic friendships inevitably face some challenges. Miscommunications hurt feelings, and shifting life circumstances can test even the strongest connections. 

Some of the most common pitfalls include:

• Misunderstood intentions: When you’re close with a friend, others might assume there’s something more going on. Don’t let their assumptions undermine your friendship. Have honest conversations with your friend, present a united front, and correct misperceptions directly.
• Overinvolved or jealous partners: When balancing platonic friendships and a romantic relationship, communicate openly and invite your partner and friend to spend time together to foster understanding. Maintaining boundaries is crucial for both relationships.
• Unrequited romantic feelings: If your platonic relationship starts to feel different, romantic feelings arise unexpectedly, or platonic feelings become more intense, it’s important to be honest and compassionate. Communicate your intentions and boundaries, allowing the other person space to process. Respecting both needs is essential for preserving friendships.
• Evolving life paths: As we move through different chapters of life, friendships will inevitably change and evolve. Marriages, divorces, cross-country moves, career shifts, health issues, and caretaking responsibilities can all strain even the most devoted platonic pals.

The friendships that go the distance are the ones where both people adapt, accommodate, and keep showing up as best as they can. Be flexible and understanding with each other. Find new ways to connect when your usual rhythm is disrupted. Keep checking in and affirming your commitment, even if you can’t be as present as you once were. 

Put in the effort to maintain your bond through life’s twists and turns.

Cultivating the Platonic Friendships That Make Life Richer 

Are you feeling inspired to nurture the platonic bonds in your own life? Whether you’re looking to deepen existing connections or spark new ones, try these practical action steps:

• Reflect on what you appreciate about your friends. Write them a heartfelt letter expressing gratitude for their presence in your life. Be specific about treasured memories or qualities you admire.
• Schedule a regular platonic date. Choose an activity you both enjoy, like a weekly hike, monthly dinner, or annual road trip. Protect this time from other demands and use it to tune into each other.
• Show up for the hard stuff. If your friend is going through a rough patch, don’t just send a “thinking of you” text. Take action to lighten their load, whether that’s bringing over meals, helping with errands, or being available to listen.
• Grow together through shared hobbies. Sign up for a class or plan an adventure that pushes you out of your comfort zone. Bonus points if it’s something new to both of you, so you can laugh and learn side by side.
• Celebrate their wins like your own. Whether they land the promotion, the new home, or the dream date, champion your friends’ successes with genuine enthusiasm. Make them feel seen and supported in their triumphs. 
• Open up about the real stuff. Move beyond small talk and surface-level catchups to share your thoughts. Be vulnerable about your hopes, fears, dreams, and struggles. Create space for deep connection.
• Be willing to (lovingly) call each other out. True friends aren’t just cheerleaders—they’re mirrors, too. Say something if you notice your friend engaging in self-sabotage or falling short of their potential. Do it from a place of love to encourage their growth.

Ultimately, no friendship is perfect. What makes the bond beautiful is two people bringing their whole, flawed selves to the table again and again—and choosing to love each other anyway.

Nurturing Your Soulmate Friends for a Lifetime of Love

In an increasingly disconnected and divided world, platonic friendships offer a precious opportunity for belonging, growth, and joy. These relationships remind us that love isn’t limited to romance—it is an infinite resource we can generate and share in countless ways.

When you nurture your platonic feelings with intention and care, you create an incredible nourishment to draw from when life gets stormy. You gain irreplaceable companions to witness your life and remind you of your deepest self. You experience the heartfelt security of knowing someone will always have your back and believe in your potential.

So, if there’s one thing you take away from this article, let it be the resolve to cherish and prioritize your soulmate friends. Tell them how much they mean to you. Carve out quality time together. Be there for the heavy stuff and the silly stuff. Grow old and goofy side by side.

In the end, the people we choose to love are the true treasures of our lives. Opening yourself to a deep platonic connection invites more beauty, belonging, and contentment into your world. You remember that you’re never alone and worthy of love, just as you are. That’s the extraordinary magic of friendship.