Do You Have a Deeply Feeling Kid? Here’s How to Help Them Thrive

Does your child have emotional reactions that seem outsized for the situation at hand? Do they pick up on the littlest shifts in tone and facial expressions? Are they easily overwhelmed in busy, loud environments?  If this sounds familiar, you may be raising what psychologist Dr. Becky Kennedy refers to as “deeply feeling kids” (DFK). Research shows that about 20% of children are born with a more sensitive nervous system, causing them to feel and react more intensely to their surroundings.

While parenting a child can feel like riding an emotional rollercoaster at times, it helps to understand that their sensitivity is innate, not intentional. These thoughtful, creative, big-hearted kids can thrive with the best support and strategies.

We’ll explore what makes DFKs tick, identify signs to watch for, and offer expert tips for parenting them with confidence and compassion. You’ll gain insights into your child’s inner world and learn practical ways to help them flourish in an often overwhelming world. 

What is a Deeply Feeling Kid?

Deeply feeling kids experience and react to their emotions more intensely than their peers. Their feelings are bigger, stronger, and often more overwhelming.

These kids are sometimes described as “highly sensitive,” but there are key differences:

• Sensory inputs like bright lights, itchy fabrics, and loud noises easily overstimulate highly sensitive kids. Deeply feeling kids are primarily emotionally sensitive.
• Sensory processing issues are neurological disorders that impact development. They are often thought to be just clumsy. While some DFKs have sensory sensitivities, they are not the root cause of their emotional depth.

What distinguishes DFKs is the outsize intensity of their emotional reactions. They go from calm to inconsolable over seemingly minor incidents, like a broken toy or a change in plans. Their emotional Richter scale has a much higher range than most.

This intensity stems from the way their brains are wired. Kids with big emotions react more strongly to perceived threats and take longer to calm down. They also pick up on subtleties that others miss, like a slight edge in your voice or a faraway look on your face.

For parents and caregivers, this can be a lot to navigate day-to-day. But by understanding how your kid experiences the world, you can tailor your parenting approach to their unique needs and strengths.

Signs and Characteristics of a Deeply Feeling Kid

Deeply feeling kids share a constellation of characteristics that reflect their emotional sensitivity. If you suspect you may be raising a DFK, these are some of the key signs to look out for:

Emotional Intensity

These kids have emotional reactions that are bigger and longer-lasting than their peers. Their emotional dials seem to go from 0 to 100 in no time. Signs of this intensity include:

• Frequent, explosive meltdowns over seemingly small things.  
• Difficulty calming down once upset may take a long time to soothe.
• Tantrums continue well past the toddler years.

Deep Empathy

Deeply feeling kids pick up on and absorb the emotions of those around them. They may wear their hearts on their sleeves and exhibit:  

• Strong emotional reactions to others’ feelings or experiences.
• Sensitivity to tone of voice and facial expressions.  
• Ability to pick up on unspoken tension or conflict.

Sensory Sensitivities

Many kids struggle with sensory input that doesn’t phase their peers. They may become irritable or overwhelmed by:

• Loud, chaotic environments like grocery stores or birthday parties.
• Itchy tags or seams in clothing may insist on soft fabrics.
• Bright, fluorescent lighting.
• Particular food textures or temperatures.

Difficulty With Change

These children thrive on predictability and feel most secure with set routines. They may become distressed by:

• Last-minute changes in plans
• Transitions between activities  
• Unexpected deviations from the norm

Need to Recharge

After highly stimulating activities or a particularly emotional day, kids need solo downtime to recalibrate. You might notice your child:

• Seeking out quiet corners to sit alone at family gatherings.
• Spending hours immersed in creative, solitary play.
• Seeming especially tired or wired after school or social events.

Understanding Your Deeply Feeling Child’s Inner World

A rich inner world lies beneath the surface of a deeply feeling kid’s intense emotions. Kids are often highly perceptive, creative, and empathetic. However, they also face unique challenges that can make life more difficult for them and their caregivers.

• Struggles With Shame and Feeling Different: Because their reactions are bigger than those of their peers, deeply feeling kids often sense that they are different. They may feel ashamed of their intense emotions and develop a negative self-image. This sense of being “too much” can be heightened when adults criticize them for overreacting or being too sensitive. Over time, they may start to believe something is wrong with them.
• Challenges With Emotional Regulation: Deeply feeling kids’ brains are wired differently, these learning or developmental problems cause difficulty regulating their emotions. They feel things more deeply and intensely, and it takes them longer to calm down once upset.  This can lead to frequent meltdowns and explosive outbursts that leave everyone feeling drained. Children with learning or developmental problems can also have difficulty regulating their emotions.
• Perceptiveness and Creativity: While the challenges of raising an emotional child can loom large, it’s important to recognize their unique strengths. Deeply feeling kids are often highly perceptive, noticing environmental cues others do not. In the right setting, this can help them detect danger. They also tend to be very creative, with a rich imagination and a talent for artistic expression. Their deep empathy makes them natural helpers and advocates for others.

How to Help a Sensitive Child

Raising kids with big feelings requires a tailored approach that honors their sensitivity. You can help your child thrive and reach their full potential with the right parenting strategies and support. Here are some recommendations, as well as tips and tricks from child psychologists:

Validate Emotions and Show Unconditional Acceptance

The most powerful thing you can do for a DFK is to accept and validate their emotions. This means:  

• Acknowledging their feelings without judgment or dismissal.
• Avoiding shaming them for being “too sensitive” or telling them to “toughen up.”  
• Showing that you love them unconditionally, even when they have intense reactions.

Sit with your child during their storms of emotion and offer a calm, comforting presence. Let them know it’s okay to feel deeply and that you’re there to help them through it.

Stay Calm and Present During Meltdowns

When a child is melting down, it can be tempting to match their intensity or get overwhelmed yourself. But this only escalates the situation. Instead, try to:

• Keep your own emotions in check and use a calm, soothing tone of voice.
• Offer physical comfort if your child is receptive, like a hug or gentle backrub.  
• Give them space to express their big feelings without trying to reason with them in the moment.

Remember, your child is not giving you a hard time—they are having a hard time. Your calm presence is an anchor that shows them they are safe and loved, even in their most challenging moments.  

Set Clear Boundaries and Consistent Routines

Deeply feeling kids thrive with predictability and gentle but firm boundaries. To provide this structure:

• Establish consistent daily routines so your child knows what to expect.
• Set clear, reasonable rules and consequences, and follow through consistently. 
• Give advance warning of any changes in routine when possible.
• Create a visual schedule to help your child anticipate transitions.

Knowing what to expect helps kids feel more secure and regulated. Consistency and predictability are key.

Manage External Stimuli

Because DFKs are so sensitive to their environment, minimizing excess stimuli is helpful when possible. Some tips:

• Keep your home environment relatively calm and uncluttered.
• Avoid overscheduling with too many activities or social events.
• Notice your child’s cues and help them take breaks in stimulating situations.
• Provide a quiet, cozy space they can retreat to when feeling overwhelmed.

You can’t bubble-wrap the world for your child, but you can proactively manage stimuli and advocate for their needs in school and social situations.

Teach Coping and Calming Strategies

Equipping your deeply feeling child with coping strategies is key to building their emotional resilience. Some ideas:

• Practice taking deep “belly breaths” together when calm, then use this tool during meltdowns.
• Develop a calming kit with soothing sensory items like fidgets, soft fabrics, or coloring supplies.
• Use storytelling and play to help them process difficult emotions.  
• Model healthy coping skills by narrating your own emotion regulation out loud.

The goal is to build your child’s toolbox of coping strategies over time. With practice and support, they can learn to weather life’s ups and downs with greater confidence.  

Nurturing Your Deeply Feeling Child’s Gifts

Raising a deeply feeling kid is not about “fixing” them or forcing them to fit in. It’s about honoring their unique wiring and helping them embrace their sensitivity as a strength. Some ways to do this:

• Reframe Sensitivity as a Superpower: Help your child see their sensitivity as a gift, not a weakness. Point out how it allows them to be compassionate, perceptive, and emotionally intelligent. Use positive labels like “big-hearted” or “deep thinker” to describe their traits.
• Encourage Passions and Creativity: Deeply feeling kids often excel in creative pursuits. Encourage them to explore art, music, writing, or other outlets for their big feelings. Nurturing their passions builds confidence and self-esteem.  
• Provide Opportunities to Contribute: Kids with big emotions are natural-born helpers. Look for ways to use empathy and insight to make a difference. This might mean caring for a pet, helping a younger sibling, or volunteering in the community. Feeling valued and needed counteracts shame.

Embracing the Journey of Raising a Deeply Feeling Child

Parenting a deeply feeling kid is not an easy path, but it is a rewarding one. Highly sensitive kids have stronger activation of brain regions involved in awareness, empathy, and responsiveness. They invite us to honor emotions as a vital part of the human experience.

By learning to understand and be attuned to your child’s unique needs, you give them the security to unfurl into their full potential. You teach them that their sensitivity is not a liability but a source of connection, insight, and creativity.  

As your deeply feeling child navigates a world that often feels too loud, too bright, and too harsh, they need you as their safe haven. Your unconditional love and acceptance are the foundation they need to blossom into the compassionate, perceptive, big-hearted individuals they are meant to be.

The journey may be challenging at times, but it is also infinitely rewarding. As you embrace your role as a parent to a deeply feeling kid, you are giving a great gift—to your child and the world. Never doubt that it is a gift worth giving.